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Archive for the ‘I am that dense’ Category

It’s a bit of a running joke with my friends that they should bring their own ice when they come over to the house. We don’t have an automatic ice maker in the freezer, and I rarely use ice at all, so we’re often down to the last few cubes right as company is about to arrive.

I’ve gotten better, though. Or so I thought. Here’s what a friend recently found in the full ice tray the other day:

icemnim1.jpg

Yeah, I don’t know why I at some point had a Hershey’s Kiss tag with the word “Oops” printed on it. I don’t remember them making April Fools Day themed candies, but maybe. Anyway, I fortunately have friends who love me and have a good sense of humor. And, well, know that I have plenty of good attributes that make up for my lack of ice-making skills. 😀

Would’ve been even better if I had planned that “oops” note in there. But no. I am just that blind to details and such. Ah well…

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So many titles were fighting for choosing for this post. Here are the top candidates:

  • Don’t Ever Ask Me to Help
  • If I Ever Offer to Help, Run Far, Far Away
  • To do: Stick Elbow Through Plate-Glass Window….Check!
  • Somebody Call Pella, Stat!
  • Getting the picture here?

    So, I went to a friend’s house tonight to lend a hand. She’s moving and is getting her house cleaned up and ready for sale. I offered several times to help out, and she finally gave in and said sure. That wasn’t easy for her to let me come help. I doubt this experience will give anyone else a fighting chance of lending her a hand anytime in the near future.

    Anyway, we found a time I could come help without the kids. The first hour was good and we were getting lots done. I was really bummed because I’d planned on brining mom’s digital to take a few photos of some of the woodwork in her house. The house was built sometime between 1900 and 1915 and, like ours, has wood floors and trim throughout the house. Unlike ours, however, her’s is still unpainted and just beautiful. Ah well, I forgot.

    So, I’m moving toward the stairs to do come cleaning there. What I’d forgotten was that a grate over one of the vents had been removed for cleaning. Not a big deal in any house newly built, but for those of us with older homes (ours was built in 1925), the vents are a significant size. This opening without the grate was probably 1×2 feet?

    Now, I’m not known for my observations skills. Actually, I’m known for how very bad my observations skills are. So, the fact that I’d noticed this grate missing earlier was quite a feat in and of itself. That knowledge, however, did not carry over into the moment when I went near the stairs and turned to say something to my friend and stuck my foot into the hole and caught myself by putting my elbow through her window.

    Yes, through her window.

    Embarrassed? Yes.
    Feeling stupid? Very.
    Feeling guilty? Oh yeah.

    Good thing for me was that I’d gotten a little chilly early in the day and had thrown on a sweatshirt. I got out of that whole experience with only a very small cut to my hand. My pride? Well, that’s gonna scar a bit. 😉

    My friend was very gracious. I’m still very sorry. I promise to try and not offer to help anymore. If I do, you all have permission to run very quickly away from me. I’d strongly recommend it.

    And the worst part (other than the obvious “did more harm than help” for my friend)? I didn’t even have the camera with me to show you a photo of my handiwork. 😛

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    Extremely high gusts of wind knocked out power to some areas near us the other day. Really, it was the windiest weather I’ve witnessed in quite awhile (of course, I haven’t been to Shetland recently 😉 ). So, I guess the latenight weather guy was justified in his comment, but the 12 year old boy-like sense of humour I possess just couldn’t stop laughing when he said, “Mother Nature really blew her winds at us today!” Seriously, I couldn’t stop laughing. Or resist saying, “Dag. I hope Father Nature had a nice big bottle of Febreeze handy!”

    Sad, I know. I was laughing even now just typing it up.

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    Extremely high gusts of wind knocked out power to some areas near us the other day. Really, it was the windiest weather I’ve witnessed in quite awhile (of course, I haven’t been to Shetland recently 😉 ). So, I guess the latenight weather guy was justified in his comment, but the 12 year old boy-like sense of humour I possess just couldn’t stop laughing when he said, “Mother Nature really blew her winds at us today!” Seriously, I couldn’t stop laughing. Or resist saying, “Dag. I hope Father Nature had a nice big bottle of Febreeze handy!”

    Sad, I know. I was laughing even now just typing it up.

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    Just time for a quick note. If you’re going to advertise a “Back to School Picnic,” somewhere, for the love of all things helpful, mention that you need to bring a lunch to said picnic. Then maybe inept mother won’t assume that hot dogs (or something similar) will be served and then won’t show up empty-handed for her family of five. Seriously, between e-mails, actual paper reminders, and real-life people reminders, the fact that lunch was not provided was not mentioned.

    There goes my “mother of the year award” nomination for today.

    But, my oldest did get to go to her first on-line school event, and we got to go out to lunch with some new friends. Maybe it was more fun that way, afterall. 😀

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    I hear honking outside. I look to the door and the UPS man is standing at it (do you love it as much as I do when the UPS man shows up?). The schoolbus driver pulled up behind him is honking, apparently perturbed that the UPS man is parked in the street. I don’t feel bad. It’s going to take all of 30 seconds for me to sign for the package, and then the UPS driver is off again. And 2 cars parked on our street were hit by the schoolbus last spring. He can chill and wait.

    So, I’m excited to get the package. It looks like computer stuff, which is what we’ve been waiting for to complete our shipments for my daughter’s homeschooling supplies. I grab the packing list and read it. Totally different shipping address than mine, and a totally different name to go with it. A quick look at the box and I see no other labels. Odd. Gotta return this box. We’re leaving tomorrow for our trip, and I’m sure this person is going to want their stuff before next week. Shoot. The schoolbus has chased the UPS guy off and quickly.

    Call UPS. Get someone way off on another continent, I believe. She can’t help me, returns me to someone back on my side of the world. She asks for the tracking number, I tell her, and she tells me the name on the packing list. Not me. Okay.

    She asks, “Are there no other labels on the box?”

    No, I tell her. But I’ll check again. And there they are. Did I really look at five sides of the box and miss the sixth? The one with my name and address and all that relevant jazz all over it? Oh brother.

    “Yes, my name’s there.”

    “Okay, they probably just put the wrong packing list in. Let us know if you have any other problems.”

    Sheepishly, “Thanks.”

    Okay, I’m done overreacting. The sky is apparently not falling. At least not today.

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    I’m going crazy here, friends. Seriously losing my mind.

    Have I mentioned that we’re dog sitting for my mom/sister? (No, my mom and sister are not the same person. The dog resides with my mother, though I think she (the dog) would have been “let go” years ago if it hadn’t been for my sister begging to keep her around.)

    Anyway, almost 15 year old dog. Blind. Partially deaf. Probably senile. She stands around barking at the cupboards and gets scared by her food bowl. In my house with a one year old, a two year old (although he’ll tell you he’s 2 and FREE QUARTERS) and a five year old. Oh yeah, and two adults.

    So, we have her for 3 weeks (less than a week left!), and it has been a challenge keeping her away from the kids. Not that she wants to be with the kids. No. But the boys (1 and 2) DEFINITELY want to be with her. Only, the boys (the one year old especially) don’t know how to be around an old, blind, deaf dog without scaring the snot out of her. They must be seperated at all times.

    Ergo, I currently live in a gated community. There are baby gates everywhere. Everywhere. Anytime I want to move around from room to room on the first floor, a gate must be hurdled or unsuctioned from the doorframe, moved, and resuctioned to the doorframe.

    So far, eveything’s been fine. I get up in the morning, the dog goes outside. The kids come down, baby gets strapped in his high chair, the dog comes in, the baby eats, then gets gated in the living room (away from the dog and her food, which the baby likes to try to eat).

    Except for today, when I happen to miss that the dog went into the living room, and ended up gating the baby and the dog together in the same room. It took a minute to realize what I’d done. Luke loved it. He was smiling and petting the dog. And I looked at him and said, “Luke, you little stinker. Did you sneak in to see the doggie?” And Jake replied, “Yes Mom! Wook (Luke) sneaked the dog!!!!!”

    Luke was very proud of himself. I was aware of how very tired and slippery my brain is these days.

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