Archive for the ‘Momentous Occasions’ Category

A year ago tomorrow, Cory and I competed in our first triathlon.  And by competed I mean we were both like, “Hey!  Wouldn’t it be great if we finish this?!?!”  We did.  We finished it.  He completed it first, ran back toward me, and then we finished the run together.  It was a good feeling.

In the next 12 months, we completed 2 more triathlons, I did a 10 mile run and a half-marathon, and he did a full marathon.  We celebrated 20 years as a couple, and 15 years of marriage.  It was, in many ways, a successful year.

It was also a hard year.  Probably the hardest year of our marriage (and I don’t think that I thought anything would be harder than the year I gave birth to our second child and watched my father die all within 4 months).  I have battles I’m fighting.  I am still stuck in ditches.  These are dark and deep ditches that I dug myself and then, sometimes, soberly jumped into.  I’m still trying to crawl out in a lot of ways.  And Cory is still there fighting with me.  He’s been damaged by my recklessness, he’s fighting his own battles, and he’s still holding on to me when I can’t even tell him if he should.  When I tell him that I think it might be better for him if he didn’t.

And so, this year has been a lot like that first triathlon.  I didn’t know at the beginning of it that I would consider it a victory, a success, if we both just completed it, and completed it together.  I had no idea what this year would bring.  I don’t know what I would have done if I had known.

Some of sharing this is just processing for me.  Anniversaries of little things will be popping up, and I’m sure I’ll be back just to work things out here.  Maybe it’s just the beginning of that.  I’m also sharing because I went back recently and read my very first post here. While I’ve not always been consistently writing (hello, 2010?), I do want to keep true to one of the main purposes.  I want to be honest.  Honestly, there have been some amazingly good things happening in our lives.  So much to be thankful for.  But, also, some days are just really hard.  I know we’re not the only ones.  I know so many of you are finding it hard some days to just make it out the door and interact with the world, all the while counting down the minutes until you can pull shut the blackout curtains, crawl in bed, pull the comforter over your head, and cocoon yourself for a bit.  And, I just want you to know that you aren’t the only one, either.

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So, a year ago today I was still technically a SAHM.  I was volunteering at a teen homeless shelter, an agency of which I knew I always wanted to be a part even though I’d never stepped foot inside.  I spent most of my days taking the kids to school, then headed to the gym for a run or a swim, trying to prepare for my first triathlon.

Fast forward one year.  I’ve completed three triathlons, and a half-marathon.  I am going to school full-time.  And still doing the wife/mommy gig, the most important gig in my life. 🙂

I’ve also begun working at that agency that I’d admired for so long.  Full-time.  And today we begin a new venture in that agency.  I was and am privileged to be a part of a new team hired to bring this project to fruition from the ground up.  It has been a growing, exciting, hopeful, and stressful process.  I’ve learned a lot about myself through this process, and a lot about my co-workers.  And, more importantly, how we, with our differences, can feed off of each other to make a great team.  I think we’re getting there.

Today is the first day that we’re opening our new program.  So excited.  A little stressful (remember, stress can be good stress, too!).  And, mostly, tons of hope for our new clients.

New ventures are exciting.  It’s going to take more balancing of all of these good things than I ever thought possible.  I, and my family, are still trying to figure this whole thing out.  I am amazed at how loving, supportive, and patient my husband and kids have been.  I am one lucky lady….

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Hey, hey, hey!!!!!  What?!  I know, right?

So, it’s only been almost a year since I’ve posted.  And why am I posting now?  Because WordPress reminded me that I was about to lose this here domain name.  I’ve had it too long to give it up, yet.

Over six years already.  Wow.  Remember that first post?  Yeah.  The more things change, the more they stay the same.

I’m more often, “mom,” now than Mommy.  Occasionally, but still.  I’m still not perfect (and neither are you 😉 ).

My almost one year old is now seven and a half.  Sheesh!

Let’s see….when I first started writing, I had two toddlers and I was about to start homeschooling the oldest, I think.  I hadn’t worked outside of the home for a few years.  Fast forward 6 years and I’m working full-time and going to school full-time, all second to familying full-time.  I don’t think it’s any less busy than having three little little ones in the house!

I’m amazed and humbled and dumbfounded and joyed and pained and exhilarated by the events of the last six years.  So, so much.

Six years doesn’t seem like a huge chunk of time, but it holds so much.  Six years is longer than many people have to live on this earth.  So I’m thankful for every failure, every success, every pain, every joy, every fear, every hope.  They are signs of a life.  My life.  I’m embracing it all.  I hope you are, too.

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These are my shoes.  They are about a year old.  People ask me if they’re new.  They look new.  They’re not.

They were purchased to run a 10k with Baldman last fall.  Guess what?  We didn’t run it.  There are so many things that we say we’re gonna do that we don’t.  It’s not fun.

These shoes have run, though, miles on a treadmill.  Miles that I never thought I would be able to run.  Miles that have pushed me, strengthened me, challenged me, and drained me.  Miles that have restored bits of my sanity, renewed mountains of hope, and reclaimed years of my life.  Miles that, unbelievably to me, I wouldn’t trade for anything.

But these shoes are asking for more.  They’re asking to be pushed to their potential; worked to their limit.  They are asking to be underestimated.  They are craving to be gotten dirty, grimy, and worn through striving for the finish line.  And they will be.

Not a 10k for these shoes, but a few weeks from now, they will be sprinting with me across the finish line in my first triathlon.  My first triathlon.  Meaning 1) I’m competing in a triathlon and 2) I think there will be more than one for me!  Craziness.  And joy.


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5 years!  That’s how long I’ve been blogging!  Okay, so, my first post was five years ago.  I know I’ve been hit or miss since then, but I’m still here. 🙂  Baldman got me started, then Hsien hired me to do some writing with a network AND introduced me to IMing.  How crazy was that?  The network is now, well, I don’t know, but I did meet some pretty cool people through it.  Jonic is still around, and allows for some grown-up chatting when I’m sitting long days with the kiddos.  I’ve met lots of other fun peeps through this whole blogging thing.  It’s been a good outlet and a great place to find inspiration and to spur creativity.  Great fun.  Thanks for sticking around. 🙂

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I had it.  Until yesterday.  Or today.  Not sure.  I’m positive it was tucked in a corner around here somewhere.

I have been decluttering.  Yes, those who actually know me have just sucked in a collective gasp.  I am not a neat person.  I am a very emotional person and often attach those emotions to physical objects.  And I’m not task oriented or structured or focused enough to actually go through all my stuff and decide what is worth keeping versus what is actually trash.  And I’m not that bothered by clutter.

Bad combo, aye?

I’ve started seeing these attributes in my kids, though.  You know what?  It’s not pretty.  It’s not joyful.  It’s not calming or peace-inducing or anything good.  Nothing good about it.  And my kids are like that now.  Shame on me.

It’s been getting to me lately, though.  And, importantly, to Baldman.  He has never been the cluttery-hold-on-to-everything type of person.  He was actually quite Type A when we met 19 years ago.  A little too much so for my comfort.  Now, well, now he’s living in the midst of clutter.  And it bothers him.  And you’d think it would bother him enough to maybe do something about it.  But, you know what I think?  I think he gave up.  I think he tried for awhile, years even, but then just gave up.  Because his best friend?  She didn’t care enough to help him.  Even worse, she maintained a space that was uncomfortable for him.  Shame on me.

Now though?  It’s bothering me, too.  Some of the clutter, and mostly the spirit that it fosters.  Chaos, instability, frustration, other things I can’t think to name right now.  I’m done with it.  I’m ready and eager to let go.  I’m ready to reclaim my home.

Tonight, we watched Enough Already with Peter Walsh.  We all watched it together.  Baldman, me, and the kids.  Yup, the kids, too.  I’ve never gotten as drowned in my home as the people featured on the show, but I know that I could.  I know that.  And so, we’re doing something about it.  After the show, I helped my daughter go through her armoire.  We quickly packed up a big bag of clothes, and toys and actually spotted a bit of her rug!!!  Baldman went with the boys and, shocker of all shockers, there were night tables under all the crap next to their beds!

The best part was that we all had fun.  Fun reclaiming spots in our home, fun thinking of the friends and others who would benefit from our extra, fun doing something so positive together.  My daughter actually said that she was having fun, and was feeling so good about getting her space back.  Yay for us.

Already this week, I’d taken bags and bags of clothes and books to Goodwill, filled bags for recycling, and shared a bag of boys’ clothes with a friend. And now we have bags and bags sitting waiting for more friends, more recyclables, and more to support Goodwill.  It feels so good.  It feels so freeing.  I think it’s for real this time.

I have other thoughts, but will save them for another time.  I need time with that best friend of mine.  One of the best things about a calm and peaceful home is being able to spend it with your most favorite person in the world. 🙂

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Hey all,

This is me announcing the launch of my photo blog.  I hope you’ll join me for more fun and possibly games there (might have to restart the game that Rantz broke over here 😉 ).

Have a great week. 🙂

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