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Posts Tagged ‘ditch’

A year ago tomorrow, Cory and I competed in our first triathlon.  And by competed I mean we were both like, “Hey!  Wouldn’t it be great if we finish this?!?!”  We did.  We finished it.  He completed it first, ran back toward me, and then we finished the run together.  It was a good feeling.

In the next 12 months, we completed 2 more triathlons, I did a 10 mile run and a half-marathon, and he did a full marathon.  We celebrated 20 years as a couple, and 15 years of marriage.  It was, in many ways, a successful year.

It was also a hard year.  Probably the hardest year of our marriage (and I don’t think that I thought anything would be harder than the year I gave birth to our second child and watched my father die all within 4 months).  I have battles I’m fighting.  I am still stuck in ditches.  These are dark and deep ditches that I dug myself and then, sometimes, soberly jumped into.  I’m still trying to crawl out in a lot of ways.  And Cory is still there fighting with me.  He’s been damaged by my recklessness, he’s fighting his own battles, and he’s still holding on to me when I can’t even tell him if he should.  When I tell him that I think it might be better for him if he didn’t.

And so, this year has been a lot like that first triathlon.  I didn’t know at the beginning of it that I would consider it a victory, a success, if we both just completed it, and completed it together.  I had no idea what this year would bring.  I don’t know what I would have done if I had known.

Some of sharing this is just processing for me.  Anniversaries of little things will be popping up, and I’m sure I’ll be back just to work things out here.  Maybe it’s just the beginning of that.  I’m also sharing because I went back recently and read my very first post here. While I’ve not always been consistently writing (hello, 2010?), I do want to keep true to one of the main purposes.  I want to be honest.  Honestly, there have been some amazingly good things happening in our lives.  So much to be thankful for.  But, also, some days are just really hard.  I know we’re not the only ones.  I know so many of you are finding it hard some days to just make it out the door and interact with the world, all the while counting down the minutes until you can pull shut the blackout curtains, crawl in bed, pull the comforter over your head, and cocoon yourself for a bit.  And, I just want you to know that you aren’t the only one, either.

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