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Posts Tagged ‘growth’

I woke up this morning at 6am to the alarm going off.  It’s Saturday.  The kids didn’t have to be up.  My husband didn’t have to be up.  Just me.

I was out the door before 7am to drive almost an hour away, on a Saturday morning, to go to class at 8am.  I didn’t get out until after 10am (which is about 40 minutes early).  I made it to the second of the 2 boys’ soccer games.  It was cancelled.  The one that plays first?  I think I’ve only made it to one of his games this season.

Starting in two weeks, I’ll be in class from 8am-2pm every Saturday.  Including the hour drive each way, that’s 8 hours that I’m away from home.  In addition, Saturday is my only regular day off of work, and that’s because of school.

So, as I’m waking at 6am every Saturday, I wonder if I’m making the right choices.  11 years as a SAHM immediately changed into a full-time working, full-time student mom.  I second guess it all.  Especially when a friend says, “So……..you’re doing all of these things when you could just be home all day.”  I used to be home all day, and I liked it.  Especially when I miss another soccer game.  Especially when my husband is trying to co-ordinate 3 kids’ activities in three different places at the same time…..and there’s only one of him.  Especially when I look at my schedule and realize that there are weeks where, in a three day span, I may only see my kids for 3 hours total.  Especially then.

I don’t have to work.  We’re not rolling in money, but we could get by just fine.  I don’t have to work.

I don’t have to go to school.  I’m not pursuing a bachelor’s; I already have that.  I’m not pursuing a higher degree.  I’m earning an Associate’s Degree.  I don’t have to go to school.

What I am doing is working at a job I love.  I love my job, and I’m good at it.  I’m going to school to learn more about subjects that I have been fascinated with since I was 12 years old.

What I am doing is growing, changing, and living.  What I am doing is pursuing knowledge and a career that I love.

As recently as two years ago, maybe even less, I told my husband that I couldn’t imagine having a career that I was really passionate about pursuing.  If I did, I told him, I might consider working outside the home.  But at the time, there was nothing.  I’ve found that now, and I am passionate about it.

And so, I’m working.  I’m in school (for the first time in 16 years).  And I’m loving my family.  And I’m being so thankful that I married the man that I did, and that he still loves me more than can be measured.  And I love him the same.

I’m living.  I’m not living and growing and changing in order to teach my children any lessons.  I’m living and growing and changing because it is what’s best for me right now.  And I hope that they will take note and realize that it’s always a good time to pursue your dreams and passions.  I hope that they see it, but that’s not why I’m doing it.

When I’m at my best, and Cory’s at his best, we’re in the best place that we can be to parent our kids and love them and make it appealing to always grow, always learn, always pursue that which stirs your heart.

Balance?  We’re not there, yet.  It’s a lot, yeah.  And Cory is a trooper.  As are the kids.

So, I’m going to try to stop the second, third and fourth guessing.  I’m going to remember that growing, changing and learning is what we’re made to do.  I’ll try to encourage and support Cory in his need to do that, and always, always be there to support and cheer on the kids as they do.  For, although I don’t do this to be an example to them, I hope that I still will be, and that they’ll live their lives in a way that brings growth, passion, learning, and hope.

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